Sunday, January 12, 2020

6 reasons you shouldn't join a gym

The gym is actually a zoo

Going into the new year, the obvious resolution is to get either back into, or to start getting into shape and where better - the gym right?   Before you consider forking out for a membership, check out some of my 'favourite' stories about working in a commercial gym...

#1  I want to suck your toes

I had a great relationship with the sales team in my first gym, we'd play pranks and have great banter. One day I walked out to my car and on the windscreen was a note that said "If you'd like a foot rub, call this number".  Ha ha very funny guys.  So I text the number replying "thanks but I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate that".   Thought nothing of it.

The next day, I was with my then girlfriend and my phone began to ring.  A guy on the other end of the phone said something along the lines of "Hi Phil, I left you a note yesterday.  Apologies, allow me to explain...". Okey dokey I thought, let's hear him out. "I'm practising to become a reflexologist and noticed you had some nice feet and wondered if you would be interested in having your feet rubbed?".  My immediate response was "how do you know I have nice feet?".  "I've seen them in the changing room."  I was like errrrm no thanks and hung up, WTF!

Almost a year later I received a call "Hi Phil, it's Jono.  I spoke to you a while back about practising reflexology.  I'm now qualified and wondered if you would like your feet massaged?".  I was actually surprised and thought 'oh', he must've been legit before and so gave him the benefit of the doubt.  "Sure no problem, where shall I come?".

'Happy days' I thought, free treatment and a I chance to build my network.  After toing and froing via text, about what days and times would suit (and even having to do it at his 'friends' house), it started taking too much time, so just I called the number.

It went straight to answer phone "Hi this Jono, if you're calling it's because you want your toes sucked, please leave your name and number...".  Naively, (even at this point) I thought 'ha ha, that's quirky' and proceeded to leave a message.

I got a call back almost immediately.  "Hi Phil it's Jono".  "Hi mate how you doing?". "Yes good thanks sorry I missed your call.  (X day) and (X time) is ok, I'll see you then.  Just to confirm you're ok with it, I have to let you know... I have a bit of foot fetish and I want to suck your toes".


"I want to suck your toes".


I burst out laughing and hung up.  No Thanks Jono, end of!  

Two days later I was waiting at reception, and huuuuge black guy walked up to me and said "Phil"  Extended his arm proceeded to shake my hand, "Hi I'm Jono, we spoke on the phone.  I didn't mean to offend you, hope you're all good?".   "No-no mate, not at all", as I cleared my throat, jaw hanging open as I was looked up to this giant.

He just walked into the gym all happy, as if nothing weird had just happened, while I was left stood there stiff as a statue.

#2 This shower gel smells like S**T!

Again hanging out at reception (same gym), a gym came running out of the male changing rooms soaking wet, with a towel wrapped around his waist, going absolutely berserk, screaming and effin and blinding!

We managed to get the full story of his upset and what happened was, someone dirty git, had taken a dump in the shampoo dispenser.  The poor fella hadn't noticed and obviously applied gel to hair and seen Mr hanky sunken in a green liquid attached to the wall.  I think I'd be slightly miffed too.

Was funny AF though!


#3 How much is that the locker!

I was working for a popular gym chain and one the female members needed to do some exercise, so decided to do it with her little dog.  You're probably thinking, 'I run/walk my dog all the time, big deal'.

Well this particular member brought her dog to the gym...hidden in a handbag.  She then put the handbag in the locker...WITH-THE-EFFIN-DOG still in it! and went about her workout.

The way we found out, is because she loaded up a picture on Instagram and tagged the location on. #twat!  She was banned and reported to animal services.

#4 I'm a laaady

We had a call on the radio from reception about a very angry lady, that had an encounter with a male intruder in the female changing room.

I have to give him some credit though for his ingenuity on this.  He put on an available robe and wrapped a towel around his face and head and sneaked into the ladies, via a joining chill out area.

The lady that reported the incident noticed 'she' (the intruder) had particularly hairy feet and so began to probe him.  In a high-squeaky female voice,  gave his excuses and quickly ran off through the connecting chill out room.

Obviously we never found out who it was.


#5 Ello-ello-ello

A man was reported, as he was inviting other men from the changing room, into the steam room.

When one particular lad went in, he was surprised when the gentleman in question was sat there naked (fair enough)....and masturbating.

The guy actually turned out to be a police officer and there was a big investigation.  I saw him on the streets roughing it recently.

#6 The decorators are in

My manager at the time was livid because he had to make a phone call to a lady, to explain  how unacceptable it was to slap her USED sanitary towel the locker door, while she got changed.

I later over heard the conversation on the phone...I was in laugh out loud stitches.   But ultimately, she seemed to think there wasn't a problem.

I'm fortunate to say I'm now working in lovely facility, where there are lovely-respectable and normal (well sort of) people that come in and train hard and go again.  

If you'd rather save the wildlife visits for a zoo, but have a goal you want to achieve, feel free to come down to Ufit for a chat, where the people are friendly and very nice.

Keep real folks



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